<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>It's the Heart that Hurts by Flower_Flame_Princess</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009314">It's the Heart that Hurts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flower_Flame_Princess/pseuds/Flower_Flame_Princess'>Flower_Flame_Princess</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stucky Bingo 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Homophobic Language, Longing, M/M, Mean Girlfriend, Mild Language, Modern Bucky Barnes, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky Bingo 2020, Unresolved Pining, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:41:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009314</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flower_Flame_Princess/pseuds/Flower_Flame_Princess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Stucky Bingo: Pining</p><p>|X|</p><p>Steve longs to know more about the man called James Barnes, but James has a girlfriend and she doesn't like sharing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stucky Bingo 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1830520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Stucky Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's the Heart that Hurts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Steven, hey!"</p><p>In response to the voice, Steve slowed his pace so that whoever was calling his name could catch up with him. A sharp ticking came up at him, a woman appearing at his side. She was wearing a white dress shirt tucked neatly into a black pencil skirt, and black high heels adored her feet. Her mouth was painted the usual, blood red color, and her lashes fanned out far beyond her eyes. They were long, longer even than Steve’s.</p><p>"Good morning, ma’am, how are you doing?" Steve asked politely.</p><p>The woman smiled at him, smoothing her hands down her skirt a bit. Her name was Nancy, Steve knew. The reason he knew was because she was James’ brand new girlfriend. To be fair, it had come a bit out of nowhere that she waltzed into the picture. James’ and Natasha’s relationship had not worked out quite like they had hoped to. They were both amazing, smart, and especially stubborn persons, but that seemed to also be the reason why it did not work out in the end.</p><p>When the break-up happened, neither of them had been that surprised about it. It had not come completely out of the blue, they had both noticed the signs and it was bound to happen. That did not mean, however, that it did not hurt. Natasha had been avoiding the Compound for a while, and James had been devastated, though he tried to show as little of that as possible. Steve saw through his fake smiles in a heartbeat, offering him to help out where needed. For a while, even, Steve had felt a little bit of hope that James was now single again.</p><p>For a few days, James had bemoaned his situation with a lot of drama, saying he thought he would never be happy again, that his one and only true love was gone forever and that he would go through life alone. Well, not exactly <em> alone </em>, he had a lot of amazing friends, the Avengers, who had his back and were there for him if he needed them, but he meant ‘alone’ as in without that romantic presence to fill up the empty bedside. Steve remembered feeling a painful sting in his heart.</p><p>Eventually, James got over the breakup, and things turned out just fine. More than fine, actually, because he and Natasha were better friends than lovers, and almost as good partners out there, busy fighting crime. They kicked ass still, a deadly duo that Steve was rather jealous of. They worked together often, and seemed to really know each other. He wanted to be included in that, but he held himself back. They were friends, he just did not belong in that duo.</p><p>Ever since he met the infamous Winter Soldier, he had been wanting to figure out who James Barnes was beneath the mask. Steve had met a lot of people during the war, a lot of soldiers, but none of them were quite like James. The man had been through horrors that Steve knew a lot about. There had been a few fractions left of HYDRA, and James had been one of their best soldiers. His story may have been even more tragic than Steve’s.</p><p>Nancy and James met at a gala a while back. The memory of them, talking and laughing, sat embedded deeply in Steve’s head, and he didn’t think he would ever get over the way she had laid her hand on his chest, stroking down his dress shirt, fumbling with the buttons as she smiled so teasingly, and how James had gone along with it. He remembered James’ smile like a knife to the chest, feeling it hurt just as much. When he heard of the gala, he thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get to know James a little better.</p><p>They had not spoken that often, but ever since they went on that mission in <em> Paris </em> of all cities, he had not been able to let it go.</p><p>But well, one thing led to another and before they knew it, Nancy and James were dating. She worked with James too, they talked a lot about business and things like that. She helped him improve in areas he had called ‘boring’ before, topics he had never been interested in before she had come along. Not that it was <em> that </em>odd, Steve knew from experience that boring tasks could become a lot less boring if you did it with a friend – or a lover, for that matter.</p><p>"Where are you heading?" Nancy asked, not answering his question.</p><p>"To the offices, I have to give this mission report to James so he can finish it, he always does the last few details about the tech." Steve held up the folder he was holding in his hand to show her, and she nodded slowly.</p><p>To be honest, Steve did not entirely know what to make of Nancy. He thought she was nice, but she did not interact that much with the team. She did plenty with the other employees at the Compound, but not with the Avengers. She had butted-heads with Clint almost immediately (something about his table manners and the crawling in the vents, to which Clint had responded that since he had saved the world multiple times, he was entitled to eating pizza on the couch. After that, things had escalated and now Clint wouldn’t talk to her anymore).</p><p>Natasha had confided in Steve, telling him she did not <em> dislike </em> Nancy, but she did not <em> like </em>her either, and, being James’ ex and friend, she felt protective over him, though still not rude enough to say it to his face. She said Nancy radiated a bit of a controlling vibe, together with slight entitlement and she came across as very defensive, and Natasha did not like that. The redhead had shrugged at it, said that as long as James was happy, she was happy for him.</p><p>Then there was Bruce, but he was having a bit of a rough time right now, so he mostly stayed away from everyone. That was, except for the team (especially Thor), who were allowed to drop in whenever they wanted. He had met Nancy, and said that she seemed manipulative to him, and thus he stayed far away. Steve had never picked up on such signs himself, and so he had shrugged at it, respecting Bruce’s choices.</p><p>"I can do it for you," Nancy said, holding out her hand towards the folder, "I’m heading there anyway. There are some important things I really need to talk to James about."</p><p>Oh, well, if she was offering. Plus, if she was going to talk complicated details with James about important things, Steve knew he would only hang around awkwardly, because he could not talk along and would only be a distraction to them. Nancy had graduated summa cum laude in law school, and she had been hired to the Compound to handle a lot of the legal stuff regarding the Avengers. It had been a surprise when James told him that he had also done law school for a while. It made him a tad jealous, seeing the two talk about legal things so easily. "Sure, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!"</p><p>He handed her the folder, giving her a warning because it was heavy. He had worked on that for eighteen hours, because there had been a lot of things he was ought to put into the report. There were a lot of papers, and there was a lot of work put into it. It did not only exist from printed out Word documents, but hand-written notes as well, and some important documentation of HYDRA, which they had only one original sample of. So, he was kind of protective of it.</p><p>But she was James’ girlfriend, and he would not pick an untrustworthy partner. Nancy was a very smart woman with many talents. He felt like he could trust her.</p><p>"Thanks." She fastened her pace, leaving without even as much as a ‘goodbye’. Steve shrugged, not really thinking anything about it, and with the turn of his heels he went the other way, as he still had all those other reports to work on. He was glad at least that one was finished. Every report finished was another one of the piles.</p><p>They had to hand it in today, or there would be complaints they were behind schedule and <em> blah blah blah </em>. He did not leave James with too little time; the genius only needed a few hours to fill in the last details, because Steve always did the other parts. So, if James took out an hour to fill it in, they could hand it over perfectly on time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>X</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It was around ten in the morning when it happened.</p><p>Steve was just enjoying a nice, hot cup of coffee, working on the other reports that needed to be done, the paperwork never finished, when James walked into his office. It was a nice change to this boring moment, so Steve brightened up at once. They greeted each other, and Steve offered him a chair. James refused it however, and kept standing, throwing a few not-so-subtle glances onto Steve’s desk.</p><p>"Hey, Cap, not to be pushy-pushy, really, but I was supposed to hand it in yesterday already, and I never received it, so I just wanted to ask if you have finished the mission report yet?" James asked, crossing his arms before his chest. The shiny metal of the metal arm distracted Steve briefly, and he wished to run his hands across it. "I really need to finish it, or Fury will be mad. I already got an annoyed email an hour ago."</p><p>That last part confused Steve, making him look up in surprise. James did not have the mission report? He laid his pen down, a frown formed between his brows, "What do you mean? I thought <em> you </em> had the report?"</p><p>"Nooo…?" James said, slightly questioning and drawing out the ‘o’, "<em> You </em> were going to fill in all the big lines, and <em> I </em> was going to add the complicated details, remember?"</p><p>"Yes, yes, I know that, but I mean I thought you already <em> had </em> the report."</p><p>"Why would I have it?"</p><p>"Because I thought that–" Steve swallowed the last of his sentence. He could have sworn Nancy said she would give James the report for him yesterday, when she caught up with him in the hallway on his way down. He remembered her saying, <em> ‘I can do it for you, I’m heading there anyway.’ </em> Clear as day. He remembered giving her the folder, watching her walk towards the elevator with it, but now he was doubting. He did not want to accuse Nancy of anything, it probably was just a mistake.</p><p>It would be the best to ask <em> her </em> about this first, before he would tell James that she said she would give it to him. He did not want to cause any friction, or have the couple upset because Nancy had made a minor mistake and Steve had felt the need to call her out on it immediately. She was a busy woman, she probably had a lot on her mind. He would just ask her about it, and they would solve everything.</p><p>James was looking at him expectantly, waiting until he had finished the rest of his sentence, explaining what he meant by saying he thought James already had the report.</p><p>"–No, never mind. I’ll get it for you right away!" He gave James a smile.</p><p>"Sure thing, thanks Cap!"</p><p>After James had left the office, going back to his office, or perhaps the gym, Steve came up from his desk and walked out of the room too. He went straight towards the place he thought Nancy would be at this time of day. He knew she loved to hang out with the legal department employees, as she shared some personality traits with them. Steve tried not to think of ‘shark’, but the only other word that came up in his head was ‘snake’. She often drank a cup of coffee with them in their break times, chatting about whatever, and according to the clock, the first break had started a few minutes ago.</p><p>He was going to ask her if she knew where the report was now, where she had left it. He had spent many hours on it, so he hoped she had not lost it somewhere, because that would mean he would have to remake it. Not to mention the folder was filled with classified information.</p><p>She must have forgotten it, Steve thought, it was not her fault. Everyone forgot something from time to time, that was natural, it was human. It could happen to anyone, even gods, as Thor forgot things quite frequently. He would just kindly ask her where she had left the report, so that he could get it back and give it to James himself this time, that would be safer. Nothing against her, he just had to make sure James really got that report.</p><p>As expected, he found her standing before the coffee machine, talking with a woman dressed in all grey, with a grey jacket and a pencil skirt as well. They were wearing the same looking black tie around their neck. They were both so colorless, except for Nancy’s blood red lipstick, and the other woman’s pink lipstick.</p><p>Steve walked up at them. "Excuse me ladies, but I need to ask Miss Keating here something in private. Please allow me to have a quick word with her?"</p><p>The other woman briefly raised her eyebrows, but then nodded and walked away to give them some space to talk. Nancy stroked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her blonde hair was tied in a high ponytail, but only two long strands at the front were left loose. Steve had seen it more often, apparently women liked to let a few strands hang loose, it looked good. Her blue eyes looked Steve up and down, but then settled for his eyes. "Something wrong, Steven?"</p><p>"Uh, sort of. Hey, I thought you said you were going to bring the mission report to James?" Steve asked, making sure he left any accusing tones or words out.</p><p>"Huh?" she asked, eyebrows lowering a bit.</p><p>"The report? Yesterday, I said I was going to deliver the mission report to James, but then you said that you could do it for me because you were heading down to his office anyway, remember?"</p><p>She was silent for a moment, the frown becoming deeper on her face. Steve waited patiently as she thought. He knew she was a busy woman. She was smart and talented, and also beautiful. She took a lot of hay on her fork, so she was very busy, hence she was always wrapped up in some sort of project or other thing. She always wanted peak performances, Steve was quite aware of that. More than just ‘quite’, actually. She was a difficult person to please.</p><p>After a few seconds, she gasped lightly.</p><p>"The report!" she exclaimed, eyes wide open now, hand on her heart. "Oh, Steven, I am <em> so </em>sorry! Just as I was walking to the stairs I bumped into Susan, and she really had to talk to me about a project. It was a heavy folder, so I laid it aside for a moment as I talked with her, and I must have forgotten to pick it up after! Uhm…" She looked around her for a moment, biting down on her lip and clenching her hands to fists.</p><p>"Susan is having lunch right now, let’s go ask her!"</p><p>Alright, so she had left the super-classified important folder somewhere out in the open for anyone to grab, look through and give out to potential enemies. That was fine. That was alright. It was not <em> that </em> big of a deal, Steve told himself. It had been an accident, not much more. It indeed was a heavy folder, he remembered him telling her that, and she did not seem the type to go to the gym and bench press to get a lot of muscles. Her form was lean and tall. Natasha had also been tall. He guessed James liked tall women.</p><p>It was a rude thing to think, and he felt guilty immediately after thinking it, but she seemed a bit like a cheap Natasha knock-off to him, but without the cool attributes that made Natasha special. Not because she was dumber or a lesser woman or anything, but she lacked certain characteristics that made Natasha likeable. Nancy was a bit… unkinder. She was not exactly mean, but she had a way of talking and doing that seemed so much stiffer and less well-meant than Natasha always did.</p><p>Natasha was a nice, but mostly very direct woman. She was strong and independent, and always ready to offer a listening ear or some comfort. She was sensitive, but at the same time did not give a shit about what other people thought of her. She was good at taking people for who they were, rather than trying to make them something they were not.</p><p>Nancy did that last one. She was… not quite ‘whining’, but she was almost constantly commenting on people’s clothes and their behavior. The thing with Clint, for example. And she thought Thor behaved like a hooligan, a caveman, that he had no manners and no filter, and even went as far as to criticize the way his mother had raised him.</p><p>Thor would have gotten real mad at her, furious that she dared to insult his family like that, were it not for the incredibly subtle way she said it. She had wrapped up the mean comments in backwards words and complicated big word terms, like a satanic Christmas present, so that it left Thor confused as to whether or not it had been an insult. He knew James cared for her, and he knew they were in love. So, because he did not know for sure whether or not she had called his mother a bad mother, he chose to stay silent and avoid her instead.</p><p>"Hey, Susan, honey." Nancy’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. "You remember yesterday, when we were talking about the project? In the hallway?"</p><p>They had walked into an office, and Steve was now standing before a desk where a woman was seated behind. The woman was wearing glasses with dark frames that accentuated the pretty features of her face. Her long, dark brown hair was pulled up in a knot. "Uhm…"</p><p>Her eyes went from Nancy to Steve, confusion showing clear on her face. Nancy had a wide smile ready. "You know, the legal jurisdiction project about maintaining some of our current policies and changing others for the better of the company?"</p><p>It was as if a light went on in Susan’s head, as she nodded fast, "Yeah, yeah! I remember that, why?"</p><p>"Yes, do you remember how I was holding this big folder, but then set it aside because it was too heavy? Well, a bit of an oopsie on my part; Steven was supposed to deliver it to James, but because I was already heading down there, I helped him out. Do you, by any chance, know where it is at this very moment?"</p><p>There was a short silence, before Susan stood up. "I think I do, I heard Lilliana say something about finding a big folder in the hallway, but she didn’t open it because it said ‘classified’, I think it’s in her office. Follow me."</p><p>And so, they went to the next office. Nancy took out her phone and her thumbs tapped rapidly on the screen. Then she put it away again, looking right in front of her. She then stopped suddenly, giving them both a bit of an apologizing smile. "Sorry guys, I have to use the lady’s room really quickly. I’m on… that time of the month, you know?"</p><p>Steve felt his cheeks turn slightly red, nodding fast. "Yes, yes, of course, take your time."</p><p>"You just get to Lilliana, I’ll catch up."</p><p>The group split.</p><p>A few minutes later, Lilliana told them that she indeed had found a folder, and that she had brought it straight to Tom, where she had put it on his desk. Tom was the man in charge of most of the paper mail and emails around the legal department of the Compound. She had brought it to him, because she had no idea what else to do with it. There was no name on the folder, and she did not open it because she was not permitted to. Steve thanked her for that.</p><p>And so, they crossed the legal department floor to get to the other side, where Tom’s office was positioned. Nancy joined them on the way once more, a glimmer in her eyes and her mouth curled up in something that looked a bit like a smirk, but Steve was not entirely sure. A moment later, it was gone, not a trace of it to be found, and he thought he must have imagined it. What reason could there be for her to smirk?</p><p>Her look was quickly forgotten when they walked into the office and saw a man with a scruffy beard lay papers upside-down on the floor. Steve immediately recognized the folder, it was his. He then, with horror on his face, noticed the coffee stains all over the papers Tom was spreading out. He was lying them upside down so that he would not accidentally read them, which was a considerate thing to do. Not that it mattered, because it was all ruined.</p><p>When asked about the papers, Tom told them with guilt in his eyes he had never wanted to touch the classified papers at all, but that he was left no choice when someone had spilled coffee all over it. He had spread them out across the floor to dry. Steve felt like he would cry. Nancy remained plain and fairly uninterested, shrugging at him and telling him that he would just have to print the papers out again.</p><p>"It’s no big deal," she said.  </p><p>It took a lot of phone calls with a few supervisors, and a bit of awkwardness to explain to them that the mission report could not be handed in any time soon because there was coffee spilled all over it, and the report was ruined now. Nancy apologized again, but Steve had said it was fine, not her fault coffee had been spilled all over it. Tom did not know who had done it either, he had only left his office for a couple of minutes when it had apparently happened, and he did not even <em> like </em> coffee!</p><p>If Steve was being completely honest, he was sad and frustrated, because now he had to do most of the work again. Luckily there were some papers he could just re-print, but all the handwritten notes were lost. And so were some of the irreplaceable HYDRA documents, which caused the supervisors to be even angrier with him.</p><p>He did not hold anyone accountable, though. Accidents could happen.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>X</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>At the long table sat some of the Avengers. All their chairs were turned a quarter, so they could look at the big screen on the wall, and the man walking up and down before it.</p><p>Steve was sitting at the conference table with an assignment slapped onto the top right before him. What he was supposed to do was to keep track of what Fury said and read along, give suggestions and make notes, but instead he was delved deep into his sketch. At the other side of the table, James was staring at the screen with his hands clasped together on his lap and a bored look in his eyes, far away in thoughts.</p><p>He was sitting with only half of his face turned towards Steve, so he could look at Fury, which gave Steve the perfect angle to draw. Not the whole face seen from the front, also not just the side of his face, but somewhere in between that. Messy, brown locks that curled so freely around a smooth yet sharp jawline, one and a half icy blue eye that stared ahead in feigned interest. Steve’s fingers were itching to begin.</p><p>The pencil swirled with every flick of his wrist, adding a few more lines every few seconds, slowly finishing the picture that stood on paper. He got a short, questionable look from Natasha who was sitting in front of him, but had turned around a bit to look at what he was doing. She cast a look on his paper, and then at him, an eyebrow raised in question. He merely shrugged in response and returned to what he loved to do.</p><p>His blonde hair always needed to be flung back when it interfered with his art as it just loved to hang in his eyes. When he looked up to regard James for a moment, his blue eyes took in everything; bright and understanding.</p><p>He knew he should not be drawing James, but at the same time he felt like it was not anything forbidden. Ask anyone, and they would say that drawing another did not automatically mean there was anything romantic tied to it. Steve told himself that drawing a handsome man, whose features were just too good to be ignored, did not mean anything. He drew lots of people, because he loved drawing, and drawing James was nothing different.</p><p>Yet, after he started to notice just how many times he drew James, Steve could not help but to start doubting himself.</p><p>A part of him bugged his head that perhaps he was drawing James a few <em> too </em> many times, and that he should not be doing that. James had a <em> girlfriend </em> for Heaven’s sake, so what was this school girl behavior of his? James had a girlfriend who was protective over him, and did not like it when others stared at him for too long, or in the wrong way. Steve knew for sure she would not like him drawing her boyfriend many times, not at all. He had not told her, but did he feel obligated to. Perhaps if he offered to draw her too, she would not take it too hard.</p><p>The conference was over after another hour, and while everyone else was leaving Steve kept sitting at the table, mumbling something about finishing some work and reading the report through another time. It did not take long before he was in the room alone, working on his drawing again, trying to capture the true essence of the locks of James’ hair, the depth of his sharp, observing eyes, the beautiful curve of his nose.</p><p>When he had finished it after a few hours, pretty proud and satisfied about it as well, he went to show it to Nancy, feeling that he was obligated to. He made up several reasons in his head as to why he was drawing James, but the best he could come up with was <em> ‘I was bored’ </em>. The only problem with that was that he had put a little too much time into the drawing to justify it with boredom. Luckily for him, when he presented it, she did not take it badly at all or asked him why. Her expression stayed blank as she took in what he had drawn.</p><p>"I can tell you didn’t have a ton of time, but it looks alright."</p><p>Hearing the comment put like that, Steve’s shoulders slumped slightly. <em> Alright </em> … that was not the most… <em> motivating </em> comment on his work he ever had, but this was good, right? He had to see this as something positive rather than negative. At least she did not get angry at him for drawing her boyfriend, so that was a good thing. She did not snap at him, or ask him why in heaven’s name he would be drawing James if he could draw literally anyone else.</p><p>He was relieved about that last part as well, as he had no way of explaining that question.</p><p>Taking a soft breath to calm his heartbeat, his eyes went back to his drawing again, taking in the whole picture, trying to find the mistakes in it, the failed parts. He did not see anything wrong with it, to be honest, he thought he did quite nicely. The sharp jawline, the hair that fell in waves, the nose and the eyes. It was all drawn from the side, which made it slightly more difficult because of the depth he had to take into account, but he thought he had done alright.</p><p>Was it a compliment? Had she given him a compliment? He was not sure. She did assume he had made it in a short time. <em> ‘I can tell you didn’t have– </em> ’ what did that even <em> mean? </em> What was that <em> supposed </em> to mean? Was it an insult? For a moment he thought it was an insult, but it was hard to tell from the way she put it. It felt as if she was saying that for a drawing on which she <em> assumed </em> he had not spent a lot of time on, it was alright. Alright. She said it looked <em> ‘alright’ </em>.</p><p>Taking criticism was quite the important thing in the art world, so Steve stayed calm, telling himself that this one opinion did not matter, because he thought he did great. She was entitled to her own opinion, and if she did not like it, well, that did not matter that much, because Steve <em> did </em>. Steve liked this drawing, and that was what truly mattered. This was even one of his better ones. He had really captured the curve of James’ face right here, so no matter what she told him, he was proud of himself.</p><p>"Can I keep it?" she asked then.</p><p>"Uhm, I- uh. Sure." He didn’t really want to give her the drawing, but who was he to deny her a drawing of her own boyfriend? He really had to tone down on his need to draw James, and draw other things instead. It was just that he could not help it, the artist in him thought of James as a most wonderful model and loved to express his thoughts on paper. A tinge of sadness went through his chest now that he had to give one of his best drawings away, but what could he do about it?</p><p>She seemed happy to get it from him, as she eagerly took it with her, and that warmed his heart a little.</p><p>Though Steve felt even more conflicted when he found his drawing back later that day in the garbage bin, ripped in half, with coffee and food stains all over it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>X</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Hands careful, mind focused, eyes concentrated. He put the folder on the ever-growing stack that stood on the corner of his desk. He had been working on it all morning and all noon straight. A few more hours, and he would be allowed to pack his things and go home. Just a few more files, and he would be done for today. He took pride in the high pile of folders, all filled in perfectly and signed. Director Fury could be proud!</p><p>The thing was, however, that the pile seemed a breath away from tipping over, as it was so tall and uneven. He had to be extremely careful, because even the slightest of wrong movements could make all of the papers tip off, slide off the desk, and then fall to the ground. That was pretty much the <em> last </em> thing that he wanted to happen to him today. If they fell to the ground, it would be a mess and he would have to start all over, which he simply did <em> not </em> have the time for.</p><p>He was expecting the reports of multiple people at the moment to process and store. They were all working on the case of the Ten Rings money embezzlement, having kicked some ass a few days prior, and so he was now waiting until all the reports came in from the other Avengers. Because he was in charge of the mission, being the Captain, all the reports had to be handed in by him, so that he could sign them before they were sent to the SHIELD headquarters.</p><p>The reports of Natasha, Clint, James, and some other SHIELD agents had already been handed in, laid down carefully on the risky pile after Steve had signed them. Those eight reports had been handed in perfectly on time, some even too early, but he grew a little fussy when the last report was not given to him even half an hour after the deadline. It was <em> Nancy’s </em> report. Steve had not been able to stop the annoyed thoughts about her that had formed in his head.</p><p>He was willing to put up with a lot, but by now he was getting real tired of it. As a couple weeks of time passed in the Compound, she got along worse and worse with the team, and it seemed as though she did not like <em> him </em> in particular. Steve felt like she had something against him, something he did not quite understand. And it was not just about the ruined mission report of a week ago he had spent hours and hours on, or the drawing she wanted to have and then ripped apart for some reason, something <em> he </em> had created.</p><p>It was the subtle things she was saying to him, the things that made him feel conflicted about himself and everything he did. Was it a compliment? Was it an insult? Was she being condescending by saying something rude about his suit? When he told her that he did not appreciate what she said she answered, <em> ‘I was only joking, Jeez’ </em> , with that judgmental look on her face. He still was not sure if it was just his imagination, or if she was <em> actually </em> being mean to him.</p><p>After another hour of waiting, tapping his foot in frustration, an angry email ready on his laptop to send to her, she finally strolled in through the door as if she was going for a walk in the park. Her lips were painted blood red, and her hair was in that ponytail with the two loose strands again. She was carrying a folder in her hands, her heels clicking as she walked up to Steve’s desk and held it out a little towards him. Nothing about her posture said that she was stressed or nervous because she was so late. She seemed calm. Bored, even.</p><p>"The report is more than an hour overdue," Steve said, a little grumpier than he actually meant.</p><p>It had been a long day- hell, a long <em> week </em> , for him too. He was a bit at the end of his patience, but tried to stay calm and friendly nonetheless. It was just that there was always <em> something </em> wrong with Nancy, and she ever had the lousiest excuses for it. He should not think like that. That was unnecessarily mean. She did not mean for it to come in too late, right? It was probably just an accident. She must have worked hard on it, lost track of time, or just was busy in general.</p><p>Nancy sighed dramatically loudly at his words, slumping her shoulders with a pitiful look on her face, almost like a pout. "You just want <em> everything </em> to be perfect, don’t you? Well, I’m <em> sorry </em> I can’t meet those perfect standards of yours."</p><p>With a careless, somewhat frustrated, gesture that was combined with another exasperated sigh, she threw the folder onto Steve’s desk. She threw it right on <em> top </em> of the enormous pile of folders that was already lying there. It was one of the most awful things Steve had ever seen in his life. The folder she threw on top of it was the last push the large pile needed. Steve watched with horror in his eyes as the folders slowly slid to the side, then dropped off the desk, one after the other.</p><p>His hands shot out in an attempt to save whatever he could, to stop as many files from crashing to the ground as was possible, but it was too late. They opened on their way down, papers falling out, everything scattered across the floor of his office. Papers rustled, crumpled under the weight of the other folders, smashed with lines and folds. Everything was in complete disarray, and Steve knew it would take him hours to find out in which folder everything belonged.</p><p>He took a deep breath, trying to keep his cool, then looked up at Nancy, who was looking down at what she had caused with a quirked eyebrow. With a little shrug she said, "Oh, sorry."</p><p>Then she promptly turned around and walked away, the sound of heels clicking in her wake. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>X</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>As more time passed, days turning into weeks, it seemed like the incidents were stacking up, too many of them to be a simple coincidence.</p><p>On top of that, Steve felt as if Nancy was purposely keeping James away from him. He did not know if it was <em> her </em> who was doing it, but he did notice that, through the days, he was seeing James less and less. He did not like that at all, not even in the slightest. He liked James, James was his friend, his buddy, his light in the dark days, and now, he almost never saw him anymore.</p><p>It had been three weeks since the report incident, and he had seen James only twice. It made him feel sad and unmotivated, but one of the worst things involving Nancy was still to happen. It was not exactly the last straw, but Steve got a little fed up. He was still seeking excuses for her behavior. He understood it was not possible to everyone, there would always be people you did not get along with, but it was as though she was picking on him in particular. Almost like a bully.</p><p>Not only had she ruined his Captain America suit a few days ago by ‘accidentally’ spilling beetroot soup onto it (he knew it wasn’t an accident, as Clint had told him he saw her deliberately pouring onto his suit, right before he had to go on a mission! Later, she denied all involvement and ignored him).</p><p>No, that had not been the only thing she did. It got worse. For some reason, she had also made his shield go missing for almost a whole day. She had wanted to borrow it for ‘business reasons’, and Steve had said yes without much of a second thought, but then they had to go search for the thing for eight hours before he finally found it… in the dumpster outside of the Compound. Little miss Nancy was playing innocent, of course, and Steve really did not feel like letting her borrow anything of his ever again.</p><p>The condescending tones in her voice and the nitpicking on everything he did got worse and worse as well, on top of all that. More and more, she began accusing him of having too high of a standard about everything, which was ironic because at the same time he could never do right with <em> her </em> either. She took everything everyone said and did as a personal attack, as if the whole world was against her, but <em> she </em> never did anything wrong, of course.</p><p>She treated him like he an idiot, and kept making mean comments about his intelligence, which was kind of a low blow because Steve <em> knew </em> he was not smart enough to keep up with her and James’ talk about reviewing contracts and employee policies, but there was no reason for her to throw that in his face every day, and never even give him a chance to learn.</p><p>In those three weeks, she had messed up with Clint permanently, and Bruce avoided her at all costs. Thor would rather not be around her either, as she made him feel insecure about himself, which then angered Bruce to no end.</p><p>Yet, no one dared to say anything of it, because everyone knew James loved her. Well, Steve knew that James loved her a few weeks ago for sure, who knew what could have happened in the meantime James and Steve had not spoken? Steve never saw his friend anymore. They seemed to always be where he was not, and then to not be where he was. He assumed it was going fine, because he did not hear anything bad from the others, it was just the fact that he had no idea that bugged him.</p><p>The worst that had happened so far was that she had not invited him to one of the team’s trips. They went bowling, and apparently had the time of their lives judging from the many photos they had taken, and uploaded to the Avengers Instagram account. He only found out they had gone without him when Clint had approached him the next day with a <em> ‘Such a shame you couldn’t be there yesterday, it was a lot of fun, even though Nancy was there too’ </em>.</p><p>Steve had asked him what he was talking about, which had made Clint awkwardly stutter some incoherent sentences. It turned out that Nancy had placed herself in charge of the invitations, and she had offered to send them to everyone. The rest said it was fine if she wanted to do that, who cared? But she apparently had not sent him an invitation. They all had wondered where Steve was that day, why he was not there with them. And now Clint was telling him that Nancy had said that Steve was too busy to come.</p><p>The two Avengers then got mad, Clint even more so than Steve. Steve was mostly disappointed, because it felt as though Nancy had purposely left him out of the activity. It was supposed to be a team bonding day, and he had not been invited. He was the leader, the first Avenger, and she had left him out. That hurt. That actually hurt. Clint wanted to go and complain to James about his mean girlfriend, but Steve said it was fine, and that he would go and talk with Nancy first. They could not make assumptions like that.</p><p>Perhaps it was all a mistake.</p><p>One of her many mistakes that all seemed to be in favor of her, and at the expense of Steve.</p><p>Like almost every day at lunch time, she was to be found at the legal department wing, talking with someone next to the coffee machine. Steve swallowed thickly, he hated confronting someone like this. Well, not exactly. He had done it before, but it entirely depended on the person. Nancy was James’ girlfriend, she was part of the team now, so Steve could not just call her out and go all berserk on her.</p><p>And she had such an unpleasant stare, it made Steve feel dumb and unwanted. She seemed to always turn his words around, and suddenly made <em> him </em> feel as if <em> he </em>had done something wrong. He was near to saying she often took the victim role, and made him feel guilty and bad. She guilt-tripped him, even though he did not fully realize it himself.</p><p>"Hey, Nancy, can I speak with you for a moment? Alone?" There was a slight croak in his voice, a sign of his uncomfortable state. He was fiddling with his fingers, one of his feet changed position.</p><p>The moment she turned towards him, she did her thing again; she scrunched up her eyebrow with the downwards tick of the corner of her mouth, and regarded him as if she thought he was stupid– <em> no </em> , he <em> had </em> to be imagining that. Why <em> would </em> she be looking at him like that, anyway? He must be making it all up. He must be imagining it. It <em> had </em> to be wrongly perceived, because he had no idea what he would do if it wasn’t.</p><p>"Sure," she said then, red lips curling up at the edges, her face open and friendly. See? He had just imagined it. Guilt clawed up at his throat; he was making accusations. Mean, rude accusations, and he felt sorry about it immediately.</p><p>As she turned away from the coffee machine, she beckoned for him to follow her down the hall. He did, her clicking heels and the shuffling of his shoes the only sounds in the empty hallway, lunch break having ended a couple minutes ago. She took him to her office, opening the door and holding it for him to go in first. He thanked her, stepping into the cold white and grey office. It was nothing like James’ office, which was filled with clippings and posters and little trinkets, and Steve felt even less comfortable than he had before.</p><p>The desk chair did not make even the slightest of sounds as she sat down in it. She reached out and turned on the desk lamp. She crossed her legs and tapped on the glass of her desk with the nails of one of her hands. It was immensely annoying Steve. The other hand was in her lap. She regarded Steve with an icy look. "What do you need?"</p><p>Steve looked around a bit, then gestured for the chair in the corner of the room. "Is it okay if I take that chair-?"</p><p>"Will it really take that long?"</p><p>There was a moment of silence between the two of them, Steve looked at her a tad surprised, but she just looked back as if it was entirely clear why she could sit down but he could not. Then, seeing his look of confusion, she rolled her desk chair to the side, lifting up one of her legs into his vision. He saw she was wearing blood red shoes with incredibly long and thin heels.</p><p>"These are sit shoes, not walk or stand shoes. Look how long they make my legs look!"</p><p><em> I’d rather not </em>, Steve thought, not feeling comfortable to look at a woman’s leg because of her shoes out of principle, but also because it was not what he was here for. He wished to stay on topic. "They’re very pretty, ma’am, but uh…"</p><p>"Please, call me Nancy." She sent him a sweet smile with those red-painted lips, which did nothing to ease Steve’s nerves. How was he ever going to tell her this? Confront her on this? She did not seem mean at all, she seemed like a kind yet firm businesswoman. Surely, she had not deliberately not told him about the team activity, right?</p><p>"Oh, uh, right. So uh, Nancy, about the trip yesterday–"</p><p>"Oh, right," she interrupted him, "We went to the bowling hall, it was so much fun, I can’t remember seeing you there, though."</p><p>She weaved her fingers together and rested her chin on them as she leaned her elbows on the desktop, looking at him questioningly. Steve swallowed again, feeling the nerves rise in his chest. He did not want to go the rude way, but he did not want to let her walk over him either. "Yes, about that. Clint said you were supposed to send me an invitation to let me know when it was going to be."</p><p>That seemed to call out a reaction. She sat up straight, both hands lowering from her chin to lay on the desk, nails tapping again. Her tongue darted out for a moment to run across her bottom lip in a swift glide, giving it a wet gloss on top of the piercing red. As she blinked a fast few times, the swish of her abnormally long lashes were a strange distraction, and it was then that Steve questioned himself, were they real?</p><p>"Oh?" Her eyes were squinted slightly. A moment later she was making small, swooping gestures with her hand, as if she remembered it all of a sudden, "Right. Yes, I was, but I thought you knew."</p><p>"How would I know about it? You changed the date last moment, and told everyone about it but me."</p><p>Was that too harsh? He felt like he was going too hard on her. It had probably been a stupid mistake. She had tons of work, was busy all day, and mistakes happened, right? One note, one letter, one text or one phone call was easily forgotten or overlooked, and she had so many people to look after. She worked a large part of business here at the Avengers Compound, that could not be an easy job. Thinking his choice of words through, he thought especially the last sentence had been out of line.</p><p>With the turn of his stomach, he realized it felt as if he was putting words in her mouth, making it seem like so much of a bigger deal than it actually was. So, he had not been present during a small field trip for fun, it was not the end of the world, and he should know! It was just one little trip. He was making it sound like an accusation, leaving barely any room for her to defend or explain herself. He had never been a major fan of that, he knew how it felt.</p><p>Before he even knew it, he was backpaddling before she could say something about his last statement, "I’m sorry, that was out of line. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. It’s not your fault."</p><p>She moved her legs to the other side of the desk, folding one over the other. "Exactly. It was just a mistake, don’t be silly. Mistakes are made."</p><p>"Yeah, exactly, just a mistake."</p><p>"Just a mistake."</p><p>It did not explain though, why she had told the others that Steve had been too busy to come to the bowling hall. If she thought he knew about it, then why tell everyone something she did not even know for certain to be true? He did not dare to ask, so he left it with that. It was just a mistake, and he hoped it would never happen again. Though, he supposed, with someone like her he could not be sure of that at all.</p><p>Nothing was sure with Nancy, she followed her own agenda and did not bother to tell anyone about it. It had left Steve confused more than a couple times, and got him into trouble a lot of times. He tried to tell her that if she did not do her part, he could not do his part and he would get all the trouble for it. He hated getting in trouble for something that was not his fault. The blame was not entirely hers, but the more it happened the more he felt that way.</p><p>"Are you doing much this week?" she asked then.</p><p>Jarring himself out of his thoughts, Steve gave a small shrug of his shoulders in response, "Well, I still have to fill in the mission reports of the last attack on the HYDRA base, then I have to catalog all the files of the past missions, there is the monthly paperwork about the Avengers the government is so set to have, and then there’s the project of redesigning the left wing of the Avengers Compound. So yeah, pretty much."</p><p>There was a slow nod of her head, her fingers reaching out for the mug filled with pens on her desk. She took out the red one, shifting the position of the golden and silver ones. She turned it in circles in her hands, eyes no longer on the man before her, but rather up at the ceiling a little. "You know, it would be great if you could get the project of the thirty-fifth floor done by Wednesday." There was a short sigh, "but I guess it’ll have to wait till Friday."</p><p>Steve tilted his head to the side slightly, thinking his words through before saying, as kindly and politely as he knew how, "Oh, sorry, but I really don’t have more time, I’ve a full schedule."</p><p>"Yeah, I know that," she said back, sounding a little bit frustrated, "I just said it would be great if it could be done earlier, but I know it can’t. It’s fine."</p><p>It was not fine, he could clearly see that. There was something in the tone of her voice that told Steve the opposite from what she said. She wanted to have it done earlier, as she just said out loud, but then immediately disowned it. There was a sense of disappointment in her voice, but she said it was ‘fine’ with a little sigh and the shake of her head, and that made Steve feel bad. But on the other hand, he really did not have the time to work on it.</p><p>He would love to help her, he truly <em> did </em>, but right now was a hell of a busy time for him. It seemed like everyone was expecting something from him all at the same time this week, asking favors of him and his input and his help. It was all a bit much, to be honest. He was working as hard as he could, he had only slept like twelve hours these three days, and he had already done so much. He wished he could help her, but he did not have the time.</p><p>"Like I said, I’m sorry, but I’m just too busy."</p><p>"Are we not over this already?" she asked then, venom creeping into her voice, "I thought we were. Why are you getting so upset?"</p><p>That threw Steve off completely. He was lost. "I’m- I’m not getting upset."</p><p>"Then why are you coming at me like that?"</p><p><em> Oh boy, here she comes </em> . Steve felt that this conversation was taking a bad turn, but he was not going to be the one to back down first. Not this time. He was not going to give her right for the umpteenth time just to get it over with. She was wrong, and he was going to tell her. "I- I’m <em> not </em>- you’re giving me mixed messages here, I honestly don’t get what you’re going for."</p><p>She raised one eyebrow, her look turning from outright hostile to vulnerable and insulted. "Oh, so now it’s <em> my </em> fault?"</p><p>This woman. Steve felt as if everything was upside-down and inside-out when she was talking. Whenever she would mix herself into the ground, he lost any and all ability to follow her conversations. He did not understand what she meant, and she always took everything as a personal attack on her. She was understanding him wrong and it annoyed him so much. "I never said that."</p><p>She seemed to completely ignore what he said, "Well, good to know that you don’t like me. I guess it didn’t matter how hard I tried, I could never get you to like me anyway. Guess I couldn’t meet up to that golden standard of you."</p><p>"Wow-wait, no, you’re getting it wrong-"</p><p>"Don’t I always?" she shrugged, pressing her lips to a thin line as the corner curled down, "No matter what I do, it’s never right for you, is it? Either it’s not right or it’s done wrong, there apparently is nothing else for me. Well, I tried. I was hoping we could make this work, but oh, how <em> stupid </em> of me. Of course, I couldn’t fit in here, not with all these superheroes. I’ve been working so hard, but it’s just never good enough for you people."</p><p>Did she seriously just call the Avengers ‘you people’? And what was she talking about? None of that had happened. She did not fit in here and it was <em> their </em>fault? Steve’s thoughts jumped back to the times she had been fighting with Clint, exchanging glares with Natasha, insulting Thor’s behavior, complaining that Bruce never wanted to talk with her, and insulting them all in general. Not to mention the many things she had done to Steve himself.</p><p>But still, he had to keep the peace. He was the leader of the Avengers, he had to be a good example to everyone around here. She was James’ girlfriend, so he felt like he had to try and come to a compromise, for everyone’s sake. "No, just wait a second. That’s not what I meant."</p><p>"You just want to get out of the work you’ve been given because you don’t care about the project or anyone else here. You only care about yourself and what you want. You leave no place for any other ideas, and bash people who even dare to make a suggestion!"</p><p>His mouth opened and closed again, no words coming out. He just did not know what to do, or what to say. Was she delusional or something? "No, that’s not true. Why are you making things up?"</p><p>Wrong question; she looked twice as mad. "Are you calling me a liar?"</p><p>Steve scrubbed his face with his hands, looking away for a moment. This was all such a big mess. She was twisting his words, he had already lost his patience, but he was now running on backup patience that threatened to run out any moment. The way she complained and whined made him want to roll his eyes. He was so damn near to think ‘how could James ever like you’, but he did not, because somewhere inside him, he still felt like it was his fault.</p><p>He knew it was not, it could not be, he did nothing wrong, but she made him feel like it. She was shifting the blame to him, saying that he had way too high standards. Well, apparently, handing in a report on time was already too high of a standard. One everyone but her could live up to. And apparently being careful with his possessions and treating him with a little bit of respect was too much to ask too.</p><p>"I know you like James."</p><p>Steve’s head shot up. "What?"</p><p>She blew one of the strands away from her face, "I mean, I’m not blind, I can see that you <em> like </em> like James. Many people do, it’s understandable, he’s the Winter Soldier after all, the best Avenger there is. However," she added, "I’m his girlfriend, and I’ve always been protective of what is mine. James’ in a relationship now, and I just wanted to share with you that I’m not comfortable with your behavior."</p><p>Her voice was so normal again, so calm. Even almost reasonable, as if all her whining and blame shifting of a minute ago had never happened. A redness creeped over Steve’s cheeks, "M-my behavior?"</p><p>"You’re sketching him without even asking, you were constantly dropping in without letting us know beforehand, you kept talking about your dumb interests with him while he isn’t even the least interested in them. You want to spar with him, which is disgusting because I know the only reason you’re doing it is because you’re just dying to get your hands on him, one way or the other. You’re trying to steal my boyfriend."</p><p>The pink blush on his cheeks turned red, but not of embarrassment. And there it was, the blame shifting. His eyebrows lowered and his expression turned from embarrassed to indignation and anger. What was she saying to him? How dared she making such accusations? That was not <em> at all </em> what was happening here. Steal her boyfriend, was she serious? Dying to get his hands on James- what was she talking about?!</p><p>"How-wow, wait a minute, that’s <em> not </em> what’s been happening!" Steve said, his voice low and harsh now, just like he meant it to be. "You’re accusing me of things that aren’t true, and I don’t appreciate it!"</p><p>She threw her hands in the air, raising her voice to a belittling tone, "Well, <em> I </em> don’t appreciate you looking at him like you want to pin him against the wall and do whatever you like with him. It’s gross and inappropriate. You’re tearing the team apart!"</p><p>"I would never! James is just a good friend, and I like to spend time with him, can’t I? He’s not your possession, he’s allowed to have friends."</p><p>"Oh, but he <em> has </em> friends, you’re just not one of them."</p><p>There was a silence so deep one would be able to hear a feather fall down to the ground. The silence was broken by Steve’s heavy breathing, chest moving up and down fast. The angry frown between his eyebrows slowly evened out as realization dawned. Surprise and confusion took over, a look that said, ‘I don’t understand’. His lips parted barely, corners of his mouth twisting down slightly.</p><p>"W-what?"</p><p>"Oh, didn’t you hear?" She smirked at him, like she knew something he did not. As though she was smart and he was dumb. She made him feel like that often when they were together, insinuating that he was dumb, purposely saying complicated sentences really fast so he did not understand what she said, only for her to scoff and smirk at him.</p><p>It gave her a sense of power, he realized now. She wanted him to ask, because that meant she held the cards, and he was giving her the power. She wanted him to ask, because it would be admitting that she was smarter than him, knew more than him, that he <em> needed </em> her in some sort of way. He hated it. Still, he <em> had </em> to ask.</p><p>"Hear <em> what?" </em></p><p>"James thinks you’re way too pushy," she said, with a careless shrug as though it was nothing special, "He thinks you’re annoying, bossy, old-fashioned and way too stubborn. Captain America rising from the dead, only to bother him with things he doesn’t care about. Not to mention that pathetic little crush of yours is making him feel super uncomfortable."</p><p>Steve’s jaw dropped. Not only because she said James thought all those things about him, but also because… James knew? James knew Steve had a crush on him? It was not <em> that </em> big of a crush, just some idle dreaming and staring at the man he secretly liked. But he never knew that <em> James </em> knew, had he been too obvious? He had planned to just lay low and wait until the feeling went away, so that no one would notice, but James… James <em> had? </em></p><p>"He- he knows…?" his voice was weak and small.</p><p>Her lips curled up further, now showing teeth as her eyes narrowed, it made her look like a shark, out for blood. <em> Steve’s </em> blood. Going for him like a vile predator that could not wait to set its canines into his weak flesh. "Oh yeah, we had a few good laughs about it, too. It’s honestly so ludicrous of you to think you would ever stand a chance with someone like James. I mean, look at yourself. Some broken little toy soldier. Do you really think anyone’s going to fall for some dumb blonde like you?"</p><p>That could not be right… Steve had friends, and they told him they thought it was mind blowing how he had not yet found someone special. They did not say it in the insulting manner, more like that if he really wanted, he could put himself out there and get someone to love. Not to mention Peggy had loved him. They loved each other. She was old now, and she was married, but they had shared love. So, what she was saying… it did not make any sense. People liked him, one day surely someone was going to fall for him and the feeling would be mutual… right?</p><p>Yet, did it gnaw at Steve’s insides. Nancy would never lie, would she? She would not lie about what James thought of him, why would she lie? To make him back off? But James had never been interested in him. Surely, they had been hanging out some times, James being his cool, usual self and Steve pining hopelessly, so there was no danger, and thus there was no reason for her to ‘protect what was hers’. James was hers, and Steve had no intention of ‘stealing’ him. He was not like that.</p><p>Nancy tilted her head back a little in a condescending manner, "You do realize that people just tolerate you, right?"</p><p>Steve felt his brows knit together, the confused look on his face becoming even more confused. People <em>just</em> <em>tolerated</em> him? What? Now she was saying things that weren’t true, the rest probably was not either, but Steve just felt like she was now telling lies just to get to him. She was trying to get under his skin, call him out, make him move. He was not going to move.</p><p>"That’s not true."</p><p>"Yes, it is. They thought they could count on you, but you let people down, Steven. You let them all down. Who do you think you are? Some God? You’re an experiment, what’s so great about you? Every other with the serum would have turned out exactly the same, you’re not special. You think you’re so brave because you run in headfirst, but that’s what gets people killed. You get people killed. You’re no hero."</p><p>There was a look of disgust on her face, mixed together with hatred. "You think you can do just anything, but while you’re prancing around like you own the world, you’re tearing the team apart, and you don’t even care!"</p><p>"That’s not true!" Steve talked back.</p><p>"But it <em> is </em> <em>!</em> Do you honestly think someone wants to take orders from a disgusting faggot like you?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>X</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Today was a bit of a hectic day. It had started out nice and quiet, with some simple work here and some little things there. Files had never been his thing, that was why he was glad to have met Nancy. She was a lot better at this than he was, and she had explained it to him quite well. It was a shame she did not like to spar, though, that would have really made it perfect. She was more a business woman type.</p><p>At about the end of the day, when it was seven o’clock, he was making himself ready to watch a movie with her. She was great, she really was, but James would occasionally doubt his choice. If he should have taken a girlfriend so quickly after Nat. She was nice, but quite controlling, and he did not like that. He had lived many years under the control and firm hand of his tormentors and handlers, so there was little need in his body to go through that again. He felt a little boxed in, a little restrained.</p><p>And while he was putting the pillows and blankets ready, his eye fell on the right side of the couch, directly next to the armrest. He felt his insides sink slightly, as though he was on a roller-coaster ride and the cart dropped down. It was a horrible feeling, and he wanted to get rid of it. He knew exactly what was causing the feeling. It was a lack of vitamin C and A.</p><p>Vitamin Captain America.</p><p>Yeah, Nancy was great, but then again, she was no Steve or Natasha. She was great to work with, she was smart and very efficient, but a bit dismissive about his feelings and his fears. He hated being naked, even around their own place, because it made him think of the examinations, operations and the tortures. And he did not like lying flat on his back; that made him think about how they had been cutting off his arm, replacing it with a chunk of metal.</p><p>It was like she did not care about that, sometimes. She complained he was always covering up because she thought he looked better with his shirt off, and would sigh when he said he was not up to that. She wanted to curl against him in bed, but he did not want to lay on his back. Sometimes, that would clash. She was willing to put up with a lot, luckily, but when she was not she let that be known clearly.</p><p>Steve was not like that, ever. He had his own share of traumatic experiences, been through hell and back, had watched people die for years, had lost all his friends and his family, hell, he had lost his whole <em> world </em> . The world he last saw before he closed his eyes was nothing like the world he met when he opened them again. Steve <em> understood </em>. Steve understood what it was like to lose what you have, and work with what you get. Steve understood what it was like to be caught up in a war.</p><p>James felt like he could talk to Steve. Normally, he would not open up quite easily, and keep most things to himself, but talking to Steve felt like he could rant about everything and everyone, and Steve would just listen and nod, giving him advice and reassuring right when he needed it. Steve never talked too much or too little, he was like this constant presence you could lean on, to help you catch your breath and pull yourself together.</p><p>While life was pulling James down, Steve was there to pull him back up, offering him a ladder so he could climb himself and learn, but now, Steve was gone. They had not seen each other in… how long? Too long. He just never saw Steve anymore. It was like Steve was everywhere he wasn’t, and nowhere he was, and he didn’t like that. He needed that presence, he needed someone to squabble with from time to time, only to make up again and become even better friends.</p><p>But now, it was like the invisible rope that had kept them together was cut, and Steve was drifting away from him. Nancy was <em> not </em> helping. He was not blind, he was a damn sniper and one of the best spies in the world, he <em> noticed </em> how she clashed with the other teammates, and especially with Steve. She never had a nice word ready about them, it was always negative and complaints. He tried to talk with her about it, but she got defensive when he did, and he also did not like that.</p><p>A small sigh escaped his lips as he looked at the empty seat. Steve had not even shown up at the bowling trip. Saying James had been disappointed was like explaining to a kid that an elephant was larger than an ant. It said nothing. The disappointment sat cold in his heart, a tight strap around his chest. Nancy said Steve had been too busy, but James thought there was more to it, he had a gut feeling. And today, he was going to find out if his gut had been right.</p><p>Clint always knew everything, so James went to the kitchen. Nancy was down at the legal department level, so Clint was probably eating now that she was not there. And yes, James had been right, he was eating pancakes. One of his feet was propped up on the chair, his knee above the table, but he was not spilling anything so James didn’t say anything of it, especially because he knew that because of Nancy that was a touchy subject now.</p><p>"Hey, Barton," James greeted him, going to the coffee pot to pour himself a delicious cup of coffee.</p><p>"I made it, not Steve, so be careful," Clint spoke up.</p><p>Though he was the man out of time, and he had barely ever drank coffee in his past (coffee was something expensive he could not afford, so he never had it), he made the best coffee of the team. Thor had no idea how the machine worked, Bruce messed it all up somehow (he was way better at making tea), Clint’s coffee was a bit watery and Natasha’s… Natasha’s was okay too, actually, but Steve made the best.</p><p>James shrugged, pouring himself a cup anyway. He was shifting constantly on his feet, wanting to ask Clint about Steve but he was not sure how. Did he have to start slow, and then work his way up to Steve to say, ‘About Steve, why didn’t he come to the bowling activity?’ or would Clint see through that? He could also just ask right away, not beating around the bush, but would that not be <em> too </em>straightforward?</p><p>He did not want to seem obsessive or anything, or only come to Clint because he needed to know something. Clint was a friend, not some computer he could ask for data. Though Clint did have the best data…</p><p>"If you got something to say, Barnes, just say it." Clint shoved a fork-full of pancake into his mouth, eyeing James from the side.</p><p>Alright then, plan B. "Why didn’t Steve come to the bowling hall with us? And don’t bullshit me with saying he was too busy, he has <em> never </em> missed a team trip before, even when he had a shitload of work."</p><p>Clint stopped chewing, his hand fell back down, the fork made a sharp <em> tick </em> on the plate. He slowly swallowed his food, averting James’ gaze as his fingers curled tighter around the piece of cutlery. Oh yeah, he <em> definitely </em> knew something, even a blind man could see that. He knew something, but did not want to tell. Oh God, had Steve not come because of <em> him </em> ? Did he not want to hang out with <em> James </em> anymore? Was that why he had not seen his favorite Captain in so long?</p><p>"Barton?"</p><p>"Do you want the happy rainbow glitter explanation, or the brutally honest truth?"</p><p>A huff escaped his lips. James' look turned into a half-glare, and he leaned forward over the table a bit, coming closer to the other, "You know which one. Spill. Does he hate me?"</p><p>Clint raised his eyebrows. "What? What made you think that? Of course he doesn’t hate you. It’s just that Nancy hates <em> him </em>."</p><p>James perked up in surprise. What? That did not make any sense, did it? He knew Nancy did not get along very well with the Avengers, especially not with Clint, Thor and Bruce. Natasha was too scary still, Nancy was wiser than to get onto the Black Widow’s bad side. But Steve… Steve was lovable, he was polite and righteous, always willing to offer a helping hand. Why would she hate him? There was no reason to, right?</p><p>A scoff left Clint’s lips as he saw the look on James’ face, shaking his head slowly. He reached out and grabbed a napkin, cleaning his mouth, then leaned back in his chair. "Did you seriously not notice? How could you <em> not </em> have noticed that? She <em> hates </em> Steve."</p><p>Hate was a strong word, surely Clint was exaggerating…</p><p>"Who hates Steve?" a new voice asked, Natasha sat down on the chair next to Clint, looking back and forth between the two men. Neither had heard her come in, not that that was a surprise or anything, Natasha moved as silently as a spider. "Are you talking about Nancy?"</p><p>James let out a strangled noise. "You too, Nat? She– she doesn’t <em> hate </em> Steve."</p><p>Natasha huffed a breath, "Why else would she bully him like that?"</p><p>"Wait, hold up, <em> bully </em>?"</p><p>The two spies exchanged looks, eyebrows slightly pulled up and a look that said, ‘is he serious?’. Natasha turned back to him, leaning forward with her elbows on the table. "Yeah, James, <em> bully </em>. She doesn’t get along with any of us but she has her eyes on Steve. Have you never heard the way she talks to him before? Or what she says about him behind his back?"</p><p>James’ mouth opened and closed, not a word coming out. He looked from Natasha to Clint, and back and forth. "No… I haven’t. What about the bowling trip?"</p><p>"She left him out on purpose," Clint answered, "Steve didn’t even know we were having that party until I talked to him about it, he was very upset."</p><p>"She hands in her files hours overdue on purpose, so that Steve gets in trouble for it," Natasha said.</p><p>"And she was the one who got beetroot soup on his suit half an hour before we had to leave. I saw her pour it all over the suit when I was in the air ducts, definitely on purpose."</p><p>"Not to mention she keeps you secluded from him. She doesn’t want Steve to come close to you, so she makes sure you are where he is not, and vice versa. She keeps you two from seeing each other for some dumb reason."</p><p>James was as silent as a grave. His eyes were slightly widened, and the look on his face was one of absolute shock and confusion. Nancy had been doing all of that, and he had not noticed a single thing? She had intentionally left Steve out of gatherings, ruined his suit, picked fights, got him in trouble, and James had no clue? He waited for either of the spies to say ‘sike’, and laugh at him, but they were still deadly serious.</p><p>No one said ‘sike’, neither of the two looked like it was anything close to a joke, and he felt his insides plummet again, even deeper than before. She had done all those things and James had done nothing to help his friend. He had only looked at the woman’s good side, and hoped everything would work out eventually.</p><p>Disliking Steve without being a super villain was pretty much impossible. The guy was sweet, polite, generous, made the best brownies, could cook well, and ate ice cream while sitting in an empty bathtub at two in the morning, how could anyone <em> not </em> like him? Apparently, Nancy had her reasons… She disliked him… A slight gasp left the genius’ lips.</p><p>"I’ve been dating a villain…" James whispered, then his look turned slightly angry, "If all that shit’s been happening without me noticing, why didn’t you say anything?"</p><p>Clint and Natasha shared looks for a moment, then back at James, it was Clint who spoke, "I told Steve multiple times he needed to go and tell you, but he kept defending her by saying it was probably an accident, and that he did not want to destroy your relationship for something petty."</p><p>"She’s been <em> bullying </em> him for <em> weeks </em>, how is that petty?"</p><p>The two spies shrugged, "Don’t ask us," Natasha said, "Ask Steve."</p><p>James groaned, burying his face in his hands. God, this was some mess. His girlfriend was a bully, and Steve was afraid he would mess up their friendship by telling him. How could he have missed this? How could he not have seen it coming? Sure, Nancy could be a tad unreasonable from time to time, and sure, she was possessive and did not always respect his boundaries, and sure, she wanted respect from others even though she showed none herself, but– she could not be a real <em> bully </em>, could she? And besides, they were all adults, they could say ‘stop’ and ‘no’.  </p><p>"But Steve- he can handle bullies, right? He doesn’t like bullies, and he teaches them a lesson when they come after people." James looked hopefully at the other two, pleading in his mind for the bullying to be exaggerated. He would hate himself if Steve was miserable because of him. Steve could stand up against bullies, couldn’t he? He was confident and stubborn, he could stand his ground, right?</p><p>"Yeah, but she’s not someone he can just beat up, threaten or intimidate with his righteousness," Clint said, "She’s your girlfriend, and Steve was afraid he would ruin your relationship if he said something. He kept insisting it was either an accident, or his own fault. And I don’t blame him, she’s very good at gaslighting."</p><p>"James, you have to <em> do </em> something," Natasha urged, "You know Steve, you know that he acts like all’s fine and everything’s cool, but these are hits even he has trouble taking."</p><p>Just as he wanted to answer, they heard some noise in the hallway, and they turned their head to look at whoever was running so loudly. Interrupting their conversation, Steve pretty much barged into the kitchen, walking all the way up to the table until he saw there were other people sitting there, and he stopped, staring at them for a second before he practically <em> ran </em> away again, and <em> fucking </em> – they all three saw, clear as day, that his eyes were filled with <em> tears </em>, and his face was flushed.</p><p>Barely a breath later James jumped up from the table, "Steve, hold up!"</p><p>The footsteps stopped in the hallway, a slight shuffling sound was to be heard. "Steve, could you come here for a moment, please?"</p><p>And he did. Steve showed up in the doorway, eyeing the three at the table. The tears were gone, but his eyes were undeniably red and he looked very upset. James sent Natasha and Clint a look that said ‘give us a moment please’, and the two understood. They came up from the table, giving Steve a last, emphasizing look before they disappeared through another doorway. James and Steve shared eye contact for a moment, but Steve broke it first.</p><p>"I want you to know that I’m terribly sorry," Steve started off, immediately giving James all the bad vibes, "I’ve been a horrible friend for the past weeks, I never meant to make you uncomfortable, or to rip the team apart like this." His voice sounded wet, he looked like he was going to cry again, and James' eyes widened slightly upon hearing what was bothering Steve. Oh <em> shit </em>, this was bad.</p><p>"I’ve completely violated your trust, I’ve been the worst teammate you could ever ask for, and I understand you don’t want to be around me anymore, you must hate me right now, and I get why, I’m so, <em> so </em> sorry."</p><p>Before James could get any say in it, before he could ask what the hell Steve was talking about, the blond ran off again, this time not listening to James calling out after him he had to wait. James tried running after him, to tell him it was okay, to tell him that whatever reason that was making him say this was ridiculous and probably untrue.</p><p>He wanted to know what the hell happened.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>X</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>There were video recordings.</p><p>There were fucking <em> recordings </em> of Nancy ruining Steve’s suit, of Nancy going into Tom’s office to spill coffee on Steve’s file. There was a recording of her tearing a drawing in half, which James did not understand until he zoomed in and he saw himself on the drawing. At first he thought Nancy had drawn him, which was strange because she was not a good artist, but then he recognized the style and he realized that it had been <em> Steve </em>who had drawn it.</p><p>She tore Steve’s drawing in half and threw it into the trash can. Why? Why would she do that? The answer was simple, really: jealousy. She was jealous of Steve, while clearly nothing was going on between them.</p><p>He sighed tiredly at the mess, leaning back against his chair, face in his hands.</p><p>"Sergeant Barnes, sir… there may be something else you should know," JARVIS said, there was almost an undertone of reluctance in the AI voice. James nodded for him to continue, staring up at the ceiling.</p><p>What else should he know? Was it about Nancy? It probably was. Everything was about Nancy right now. James felt so close to breaking up with her. Her jealousy and possessiveness made him feel uncomfortable, it had been for a while now, but she had her good sides so he didn’t want to break it off right away. He did now. She was being a bully, terrorizing the other Avengers, making them feel as if this was not their home anymore.</p><p>Steve had been the hardest to convince. It was not that he was distrusting of James, he just did not know what to do. He hadn’t even been awake for that long, barely figured out how everything worked (he was not just talking about the electronics, people behaved differently as well), and he had just woken up from a seventy-year sleep.</p><p>But James helped him, took him in, taught him quite some things. He had put a lot of work in his team, and he saw it all crumble down before his eyes as JARVIS showed him what horrible things his girlfriend had done. Now, JARVIS was telling him what happened in the office, not exactly by detail because he knew they had to hurry up, but he did tell his boss what she had said to Steve about James, and what she had called him.</p><p>James’ eyes became twice the size. "She called him a <em> what </em> now?!"</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>X</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>He was pissed. No, he was furious. No… even that did not quite put his rage and anger into words. He felt like his eyes were darkened, and the bursting fire in his chest could explode any moment from now. Hands clenched to fists, eyebrows lowered, a look of murder on his face. It was over with Nancy, he had broken up with her. That bitch, that absolute <em> fuck </em> excuse of a human being. Clint and Natasha had not-so-secretly eavesdropped, but James was fine with them listening. Let them hear it. Let the world hear what a disgusting person she was.</p><p>Nancy had tried to defend herself, shifting the blame, but James told her she had an hour to pack her things (he wanted her gone before Steve would reappear from wherever he was hiding), and if she was not gone by then he was going to slap her with as many lawsuits as he could (not literally ‘slap’, but she would be facing a lot of charges for damage property and more), he never wanted to see her again. Then he left. Originally, he had wanted to make it a much more dramatic and long show, telling her every wrong thing about her, but there was no time.</p><p>He needed to find Steve.</p><p>"JARVIS, where’s Steve?" James asked, rushing through the hallways.</p><p>"I’m sorry, sir, but Captain Rogers left the building."</p><p>A quick glance outside told him it was raining like <em> hell </em> . It was <em> pouring </em>outside. James cursed underneath his breath, clenching his hands to fists. Steve left the building, in the pouring rain. Okay, new plan. "Can you track him for me?"</p><p>"I am very much capable to, yes, but may I remind you that tracking down Captain Rogers is a violation of his privacy?"</p><p>Again, James let out a string of curses that would have made Steve faint if he had been around to hear it. He stomped through the hallways, going for the stairs. His feet moved on their own, taking two steps at the time and he felt like he was almost flying down. He could take the elevator, but he feared he was too full of rage and worry to be able to wait on that. He was going to find Steve, dammit, and he was going to talk some sense into that pretty head of his.</p><p>How could he even– dammit, what was he thinking?! Outside, the rain was even worse than it looked from behind glass. He quickly tried to think of places where Steve could have gone, trying to figure out where a distressed super soldier would run to in his panic and sadness.</p><p>Steve really liked the park, so that was his first guess.</p><p>Being the amazing person that he was, Steve liked to jog at five in the morning, and he did it in the park close by. He also liked to take lazy strolls through it, especially when the sun was shining. He watched the people, the dogs, everything that was going on. James had joined him a few times, and they had talked while walking. It had been nice.</p><p>They had bought ice cream once, eating it while walking. It was almost surprising how little people recognized them in public. James was well known, he was on television a lot, but not Steve. People often failed to recognize him when he was not wearing the suit. Somewhere, that was actually pretty sad.</p><p>On the bench close to the entrance of the park, sat a person, knees pulled up to the chest, feet on the bench, hunched in the pouring rain. The person was not wearing a coat, not clutching an umbrella. The person did not move, did not seem to hear him when James walked up on him from behind. It was definitely Steve who was sitting on the bench in this godawful weather. James walked up closer, carefully tapping Steve’s shoulder, he did not want to spook the other guy.</p><p>Steve jumped a little, legs falling down to the ground, hands clenched to fists, but he relaxed when he saw it was James who had appeared behind him. His blond hair was sticking to his face, his shirt plastered to his chest, and he looked like a drowned puppy dog. The rain was probably ice cold too, was he insane?! Why would he run off like this?! In this weather!</p><p>The cold drops pierced his skin and ran down his neck, and it did not take long before he was soaked as well. "Steve, you absolute dumbass!" James said, raising his voice to make himself audible over the rain.</p><p>The blue eyes saddened even more, and <em> fuck, </em> James had to be more careful with his choice of words. "It’s pouring out here, you’re gonna get sick! Why did you run off like that? I was worried!"</p><p>Steve’s lips moved, but James didn’t hear a single word. The blond then shook his head, averting his gaze. With quick movements, James sat down next to him on the bench, making sure their legs were touching, hoping to bring the other a sense of comfort. "Steve, I know what happened between you and Nancy."</p><p>He seemed to flinch at that, lips curling down. "James, I know I messed up, I’m so sorry that I did all those things to you, and–"</p><p>"Stop it, stop blaming yourself. She was lying! She was <em> lying </em> , Steve! Nothing that came out of her mouth was true. I don’t think you’re pushy, I don’t think you’re annoying, I love it when you talk about what you like, and you’re not just a friend, you’re one of my <em> best </em> friends. I would never laugh at you, I would never ridicule you like that. Forget everything that bitch of an ex-girlfriend of mine ever said to you, because that shit ain’t true."</p><p>The other looked up, frowning. "You- you broke up with-"</p><p>"With that she-beast? Yes, I did."</p><p>The lips moved again, no sound leaving. Steve shook his head, more droplets flying around. James’ speech did not seem to have helped even a little bit. The blue eyes looked into brown ones, so sad it made James’ stomach clench. "I never meant– I’m so sorry, James, I know that you loved her. I’m sorry I ruined it."</p><p>Was that sad Golden Retriever serious?! He could <em> not </em> be serious. Was he now blaming <em> himself </em> for James’ breakup, that James was entirely in control of? The breakup that was his own choice? Did he blame himself that James and Nancy broke up, because Nancy was a lying, manipulative bitch who was trying to bully one of his best friends out of the team?</p><p>"No, Steve, you didn’t. You should have said something way sooner, I can’t let some woman act like that to you. She was evil, and I’m glad we broke it off. I wasn’t happy with her anyway. As one of my best friends, you are supposed to tell me this."</p><p>A small smile curled around Steve’s lips, his voice was a little hoarse while he spoke, "Next time, I will."</p><p>"Yes, <em> please </em> tell me if I’m dating an evil hell-beast <em> before </em> something really bad happens. I almost lost you." James softly bumped his shoulder against Steve’s, hoping to make it seem more playful than him telling his true, heartfelt feelings. Even though they were both shivering in the pouring rain. They were definitely going to be sick the next day. Though, perhaps the serum would take care of it.</p><p>If Steve left the team, James was not sure if he wanted to continue being an Avenger. It just wouldn’t be the same, and he would feel a terrible void in his chest. He had already been sad when he and Steve had not done something together for about a few weeks, he did not know how he would react if those weeks would turn into a month, a year, or even forever.</p><p>"Let’s get our ass back to the Compound, it’s pouring and we’re gonna get sick."</p><p>Steve stood up with him, shaking his head again, only now to get rid of the water. He sent James a small smile, though his eyes had brightened considerably. "Yeah, that seems like a good idea."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>After this, they're gonna bang like fucking rabbits don't worry.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>